“You Are Not Alone”

(Video version of my story here.)

There was a time in my life when I battled sickness.  Facing doubt, sickness, and uncertainty, God showed up and miraculously defied the enemy.

It took over the right side of my body and shook the very core of my faith.  I grew up believing in Jesus and knowing he was a healer.  Up till this point, He had blessed me with good health.  My life was good.  Perfect? No, but still I had a good husband and five healthy girls.  We had a home to live in and food on the table. Yes, we had times of trials now and then, but God’s faithfulness had seen us through each one.

The day came though when sickness came knocking at my door.  I began seeing neurologists, and many specialists tried to find answers for my problem.  Many test results came back with negative results.   Some might say this was good news, but when you are the one walking through it, you want some kind of answer to explain your issues.  The feelings I battled and thoughts in my mind would have trapped me had I not had Jesus.  Each doctor’s visit would offer suggestions of what I might be up against.  Mostly, they were in the dark too.

I don’t recommend this, but at first I began to read books from the library on the different diseases they suggested.  In my research, I found so many neurological diseases mimic one another and makes it difficult for the doctor’s to find a cure.  For two years I dealt with continual weakness on the entire right side of my body. It began gradually but eventually became prominent enough for others to recognize something wasn’t right.  Somewhere between the second and fourth neurologist I stopped looking for answers in medical books and opened the Word of God.  I began to read daily. Pouring scripture into my mind.  I like to describe it as, the Word and I became friends.  I grew up as a PK, my parents raised me in church, and in fact I was a minister’s wife. I thought I had a love for God’s word before but going through this showed me there was so much about God I didn’t even know.  I wasn’t even aware that on my worst days physically, the Word of God was instilling faith in me.

The day came when I had to stop driving myself around.  I remember December 31st of 2010 my husband literally carried me out of the church where we had been attending a watch-night service to bring in the New Year.  My body just couldn’t handle anymore and walking had become very difficult under the fatigue from weakness. Months later a cardiologist diagnosed me with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, P.O.T.S. for short.  The doctors believed it was a secondary condition though and kept searching for a primary condition. After much more testing they began treating me for Myasthenia gravis even though results came back negative.

All along, our church rallied with us in prayer.  Friends and family alike supported us through meals and helped clean our house and so much more.  Eventually, our young girls began to learn how to cook and do their own laundry.  I was using a cane for walking and if I went out on a long excursion; I had a wheelchair so I could keep up.  I had to learn how to become dependent on others for rides and such.  Fear wanted to trap me.  Death taunted me as though it might take me out. I was walking in unknown territory.

One morning I remember sitting in bed writing letters to my family because I questioned whether this sickness would take me out.  After about three or four letters a voice from within stopped me.

The voice said, “I spoke promises over your life which are unfulfilled.”  I knew the voice was from Jesus. 

He said it again.  I put down my pen and from that moment on I had hope.  No, things in my life did not change that day, but my mindset did.

God had led me to a scripture back in the summer of 2010 from II Corinthians 4:17, “This light affliction, which is but for a moment worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;”.  At the time He had given it to me I did not understand, but it was the glue which held me together through all the chaos that made little sense.

I began to pray, “God I don’t know how long my moment is with this sickness, but I will go through it as long as you get glory from it.” 

By this time it was Spring of 2011.  There were still times of questioning.  The waiting between the doctor’s visits and answers seemed so long, but God had let me know to just, “Be still and know He was God.” (Psalm 46:10)  Sometimes I would forget and he would gently remind me through the message of a song, a preacher, or a friend.

No matter what we go through in life God really is with us.  His word tells us in Deuteronomy 31:6, “Be strong and of good courage, fear not nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee nor forsake thee.”  If you are facing an enemy in your life and are His child, please know He loves you and you are not alone.  Keep walking with Him.  Don’t give up, He is with you, like He was with me and my family.  My story doesn’t end here because God did the miraculous in my life.  He wrote my story with a happy ending. But, I had to come face to face with doubt before this would take place.  I asked God one day, “Lord do I keep going up for prayer?” In our church we would have prayer lines for the sick and I was questioning whether I was just supposed to get used to being this way for the rest of my life.  Nearly a month after my prayer, a visiting evangelist who knew nothing about my situation other than I was sick gave me a message from God.  He said he felt led to tell me, just as the doctors prescribe medicine for us to take, I was to go up for prayer every time the ministry called for prayer.  He said it was as if getting my medicine from God.  From that moment on every time before service doubt would mock me and whisper that I did not need to go up for prayer because I had already been up for prayer.  Just so you understand our church had a prayer line every service, on Sunday mornings and evenings, and on Wednesday’s too.  But I believed what the evangelist had told me and I defied doubt by putting one foot in front of the other as I made my way up for prayer.  For a month or two I battled this and told no one of it.

On October 12th of 2011.  I saw another specialist whom they had told me I wouldn’t get called back to see unless they saw something on the extensive tests they had done.  I thought I would finally know what was causing all my troubles, but when I left I was more confused than ever.  I knew God was not the author of confusion.  I was weak and physically shaking from the fatigue of the ordeal of the day. I was desperate for an answer.  I believe this is exactly where God wanted me.  It was the end of the road.  We had exhausted all physical means of finding answers.

Once I was back home, I remember kneeling by my bedside and I asked Jesus,

“Do I believe the doctor or not?” 

This is the last thing I remember saying in my English language because the Holy Spirit took over afterwards, just like the Word of God declares in Romans 8:26, “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”  I began to pray in my heavenly language and while I was walking around my bed I looked up from the floor.  I had a floor-length mirror leaning against the wall and what my eyes saw were my legs walking perfectly normal.  I wasn’t limping no more. I realized the weakness I had walked into my room with was completely gone!  God had miraculously touched my body while I had been praying!  God had healed my infirmity!

I am a living witness to God’s glory and what His power can do if we believe on Him and trust His word.  He is faithful!  Jesus and I together were victorious over sickness. Even today he is still getting glory for what he did for me.  The rest of the verse found in Psalm 46:10 says,  Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Yes, God still does miracles!  He is real!  Trust Him with your story no matter the direction He writes it and let your faith soar.


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